Favorite Golf Expressions

A good friend of mine tells me that the clinical definition of insanity is "Doing the exact same thing over and over again, expecting a different result." With this in mind, there is no doubt that golfers are insane. How else would you explain those times that you miss a four footer on the right edge, take the ball back to the same place and stroke the exact same putt? What about your buddy who continues to line up way right of the target to compensate for his hook only to hit it dead straight out of bounds? Even at its most basic level, the mere fact that we continue to play this game with the same equipment, same swing, etc. and travel to the course with expectation of "Today I will not make any doubles." is irrefutable evidence that we are completely insane. Below are some good ramblings from the asylum.

The Jar - Clearly the best term ever used to describe the hole. Proper usage of this term include such phrases as, "I jarred a forty footer to save double."

Beagle - Term used to describe a score of double par on a single hole. "Snowman" is an acceptable substitute on par 4's.

Bite - The insane golfer is often found yelling this word at a ball that is too stupid to know that a bladed lob wedge should not travel 160 yards. Rest assured that in the vast majority of instances, if a golfer is yelling this word, the final result will indeed "bite."

Get up - Similar to the term above, this is often directed toward a ball that is too stupid to realize that you CAN hit an 8 iron 170 yards into the wind.

Oscar Bravo - These two simple words are often used after your playing partner has pumped one into someone's backyard and asks, "Where did that go." This sounds infinitely better than "OB" or "Out of Bounds" and decreases the chances that your partner will take the result out on you.

Does it open up over there? - A phrase often used on holes with doglegs. The answer is almost always "No" but playing partners will respond with "I'm not sure." This conversation takes place even if you have played this course 50 times.

Chop - Term reserved for those players who are actually worse than hackers.

Run like a sailor's dick - Most often used by players who topped their tee shots and are desperately hoping for it to pass the ladies tees. This is not advised if there is a woman in your foursome. If this is the case, try "Run like a three year old's nose."

Throw your purse at it - Use this after your playing partner has just left his eight foot birdie putt four feet short. Watch for flying putters.

I've burned more lips today than a Watts crack pipe - No explanation needed.